Movie Review: The Pyramid (2014)

Against the better advice and even my own judgment, I went and saw The Pyramid. I was warned off by a few people, telling me it was really bad and not worth my time. Mind you, these are people whose opinions I respect, but I, obviously, disregarded them and went in oping for a tasty fun horror movie. What I got was a boring slog that seemed to replay As Above, So Below (which wasn't all that good to begin with). The only real difference being a change of scenery from the Catacombs under France to the pyramids of Egypt. They also, somehow, made it even more boring. Seriously, listen to better judgment, or at least me, and pass on this.



As I sat there watching this thing waste my time, I wondered about mummy films. There have been some good ones over the years, my favorite might by Hammer's production of The Mummy with Christopher Lee as the monster. Heck, I even kind of enjoy those Brendan Fraser adventures, no, not great, but fun. Now, this is no mummy movie, I only wish it were. What we get are a horde of demon cats. Yes, you read that right, and, oh yeah, spoiler. Well, not really, but just you can't say I didn't tell you.

In the director’s chair is Gregory Levasseur. This is his first big screen feature as a director, after a long time as a writing partner with Alexandre Aja (he worked on Haute Tension, The Hills Have Eyes remake, P2, and the Maniac remake). He directed from a screenplay by Daniel Meersand and Nick Simon. Frankly, I think we might have gotten a better film had Levasseur written the screenplay, I generally like the films he has scripted. Everyone just seems out of their element here (including the characters).

The Pyramid does something very wrong right off the bat. It is opened and presented like a found footage movie, telling us where this happened, that there was a documentary film crew, and the footage shows what happened. Yes, some of the footage is from their camera(s), but a large portion of it was not. Why? If you are doing the found footage thing, at least stick with it.

As The Pyramid begins, we are introduced to a father/daughter archaeologist team, the documentary team, and a couple other randoms. We are told of how they use satellite imaging to help map out the pyramid, and how this one is special having only three sides, instead of the familiar four. Well, before long our intrepid band of explorers are told they have to leave the area, abandoning their work. Of course, they are not happy and decide to make one first and last run inside the pyramid.

No sooner has our group gotten inside that things begin to go wrong. They lose their way, the passages seem to fold back on themselves, and everything begins to look the same, leaving them hopelessly lost. Then the demonic hairless cats so p to torment them, and then the telegraphed finale kicks in as the group is slowly whittled down. It all culminates in a final chase for survival, a predictable ending, reminiscent of Quarantine, and us wondering how the footage was obtained.

Anyway you cut it, The Pyramid is a bad movie. It has an unclear method of delivery, as if the found footage angle was an afterthought (or maybe it was the other way around). The archaeologists are not all that bright. The effects are weak, the scares ineffective (aside from that danged involuntary twitch I get), and there really is no substance. Basically, skip this. Period. Just think of it as me taking the bullet so you don't have to.

Not Recommended.