Casting Stones: Cannibal Holocaust becomes Muppet Holocaust

So, the other day I was driving to work and for some reason my mind wandered upon what it might be like if Cannibal Holocaust was recast with Muppets. Yes, you read that right. We have seen them in A Christmas Carol and Treasure Island, why not one of the most notorious horror films ever made? A movie that has so captured peoples minds that it continues to disturb folks to this day. Some of the ideas changed between those drive time thoughts and now, and it does not work perfectly, but below you will see the casting changes I would make to bring some puppetry into the mix.



Let's get a couple out of the way early on that I do not have respective photos from the movie for..

When the movie opened, there was a nerdy reporter talking about the jungle, I saw this guy:

Remember those guys who screened some of the footage later in the movie? Could you not see these guys making some snide comments?

How about the woman who wanted sensational ratings? Does that not fit:

Lastly, how about that fellow running the projector when Harold Monroe was reviewing the footage? I see this memorable fellow:

Now, let's move on to our doomed documentarians. Up first is the leader of the troupe, Alan Yates:

He would be played by a certain Muppet stage manager:

His girlfriend/script girl, Faye Daniels:

Sadly, there are limited female Muppets, so I decided to place this cheerful fellow in the role:

Cameraman Jack Anders was an easy fit.

He is perfectly matched with Electric Mayhem band member, Floyd:

The final member of our quartet is Mark Tomaso:

I was not sure who to place in this part, but I think this bear fits the bill well enough:

Along the way, the group encountered this gruesome scene:

Some people thought Miss Piggy should be on the pike, but I thought her better suited elsewhere, so instead we have Janice:

With that troupe out of the way, let's take a look at our search team. They are led by Harold Monroe:

Clearly he is the hero of the piece and he can be played by none other than:

With him is an expert tracker and a captured native being used to lead them back to the village:

The tracker would be:

And the native would be:

Additionally, they had another helper with them:

It seems only fitting to have him played by:

Now, when they finally make to the village and find the film canisters, they encounter the chief:

My original thought was Dr. Teeth, and he would be a good choice, but so far as an incoherent guy flinging food (people?) around, I thought this would be better:

That is all I have. I am sure we could squeeze Sweetums in as a native, or get Bunsen in there for a second. Perhaps Crazy Harry could be the military general they encounter? Or Camilla the Chicken could be one of the native women? There are certainly other possibilities to be explored....

Be sure to check out my recent screening report, where I got to watch the film with star Robert Kerman.