Sound Byte: Eskimo Callboy - Crystals

Have you ever listened to an album and been utterly confused as what they were supposed to be or what they were trying to do, or simply just it was in general? Well, that just happened to me as I was listening to the album Crystals by a band called Eskimo Callboy. Granted, I was wondering “What?” just based on the band name. What does that even mean? I don’t know, I am not sure I want to know, and ultimately don’t think it really matters. The music, on the other hand, just leaves me shaking my head. I do not like it, but it is rather infectious.



This German act apparently began as a parody act, but has since moved more into a legitimate mainstream band direction. I think? Honestly, I just cannot tell with them. They really aren’t good, but it is like a trainwreck, I just cannot look away. I keep staring into the twisted metal, smoldering fires, and broken tracks, just looking for a twisted bit of gore that should be sad and awful but is just mesmerizing in a strange way. The frailty of existence. Now, considering how frail life can be, I am surprised this stuff actually exists and that someone lived to tell the tale.

The music is like metalcore blended with dancehall electronica. Yes, you read that right. Trainwreck sounds even more appropriate now, doesn’t it? On top of that, they have some really crazy lyrics. For example, there is one tune that talks about giving up a girl for an apple pie and not being able to live without burgers and fries. I kid you not. For a second I was wondering if it was the second coming of Skee-Lo’s “Burger Song.” There is another one that brings in lyrics of N’Sync’s “Tearing Up My Heart.” It has to be a joke, right?

One second you have in your face guitars, drums, and screaming lyrics, the next it is a dancehall electronic beat. It is bizarre that may have played well a good dozen or so years ago. Listening to it now just feels weird and the fact that there is not much in the way of originality to be found in it, you have to wonder what the point is. Is it a sellout act trying to get into the club music scene? Is it a joke to make fun of the styles they are playing? I don’t know. I just wish I could look away.



Not Recommended.